Fate Fracture.

By -
Do you ever wonder? Because I do.

I am sat here now, in my house in England. Hot tea steaming in a mug, dressing gown wrapped around my body for warmth. Single status and education based flowing thought. Yet, I have to wonder what fate I have allowed to pass me. Do you believe in soul mates, true love, mother nature, what-is-meant-to-be-will-be kind of love? I don't know where I stand with all of that, but I do wonder.

The reason I question this found me today. As I searched through my photographs to see the smiling face of a stranger, only to find him gone. The album containing his face, the memory of his smile vanished, like it was never meant to be. Like he was never there.

I had many reasons to like him, but it was his smile and how gentle he was when he swam through the sea with me. Later it became clear how much of an idiot I made of myself but how he didn't judge me for it. I met him whilst scuba diving. He caught my eye. Then I was given him to guide me. Keeping hold of my hand he asked me if I was nervous, admitting that I was, I was forced into a scuba diving suit and couldn't get it to zip up around my fat thigh. I do not show my legs in public, yet here I was being forced to show it. I became so flustered with embarrassment, I still cringe now. He asked if I needed help and I could have cried, he had to force the zip up around my thigh. Oh dear god.

As we swam it became apparent to me just how gentle he was, I couldn't take the smile off my face. He told me I had a beautiful smile. I almost drowned in the moment. We swam, and I began my dive, only to await the next embarrassing thing. I couldn't get anywhere with the dive, I couldn't get deep at all, it was killing my ears and I could not take the pain, he tried and tried to lower me, but I did not succeed at a level that he could. (Oh yes, forgot to mention on the way in, I decided to take the safe option and take the stairs, and I fell of the ladder into the water, cutting my leg). I pretended I was fine of course when he looked seriously worried.

So that was it, I couldn't dive. He saw my fat thigh, saw me fall off a ladder. I refused to spit in the goggles because I was shy so he did it for me. And then boom. To top everything off. I took my breathing equipment off and a combination of water and steam spat at him in the face. I couldn't ask for anything more could I?

So, that was it I had blown it. Dinner was served and I sat upstairs on my own on the boat. He came up and asked me to swim with him. Concerned for any further embarrassment, I declined, several times. Even when he waved at me from the sea. Beckoning me to join him. I shook my head.

On leaving the boat, I decided he would never turn back to say goodbye. But he did. I turned, and I turned again. He was still looking. Maybe I am still looking back now.

Such a small moment with great meaning. There are so many of them. But how important are they really?

I'm wondering if there is a fate, did I let it pass me by, or was it never meant to be? What are the chances of seeing this man ever again? If I do, there must be something 'meant-to-be' there, surely? The question I contemplate, cup to lips, heart in head. If I let fate pass me by, then did fate skip my crossing path? Do I therefore have a fate. Or is a new fate awaiting me?

With a little nudge... -->

<-- In the right direction.

--> I will either fight my fate...

<-- Or follow it.

But by rights, I will never know.



By Boneata Bell
10 January 2013
19

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Facebook, think twise...

By -
Facebook is one of the most trouble causing social media sites out there. That is of course, if you let it be. I’m forever hearing complaints about bullying over Facebook, there is quite a simple solution to this; block them! To the older generation, Facebook is the trouble that you take home from school or work with you; it’s the ‘acquaintances’ you don’t want to associate with and the ‘popular kids’ that you don’t want reading your diary. However, Facebook is what you make it, as it is with every other social networking or chat site out there. Facebook is no virus, you can turn it off, and you can delete it, such complexity! Not. Bullying over social networking sites just ticks me off, its one simple click to get rid of these bored attention seeking nutters so why give them the encouragement to waste their time? You give reporters, like me hopefully, the stupid stories that fill the papers that then give parents, like mine, the impression that Facebook is some suicide bomb timer cont...
Next

Game on

By -
It is a true fact, there is no full stop to gaming. There truly is no end. Whether it is a game in the playground or a game on the Playstation 3, we were playing games far before we advanced to such technology. So now that we have established that games will never come to an end, and only advance very swiftly, how far do we go before we go to far? Is it when our character becomes a cannibal and all we can place our hands into the screen to pull up the body of our victim and begin to eat them by pulling them into our mouths in a virtual reality? Or is it when games become reality, when they place you into a room and lock the door and leave you so that you are willing to participate in a number of challenges just to get out, to finish the task you have been given. Or are both acceptable? As humans we have a need to feel satisfaction, we need to complete a game, and more realistic, the better. My sim is currently on 100% happiness and is in a relationship status of dating, the further...
Next

Summer words

By -
Ten miles until I reach my destination. Clouds high in the sky, sun under a sky that I will never really see. A metallic shine on the bonnet of the car, casts me into an eternity That I also never thought, That I would know. Ten more miles, the radio, so quietly playing. Silence pleases me. My pups still laying, so joyfully upon my lap. Breathing in the summer smells... And sensing the blueness of the sky, black and white, In the pupil of their eye. No cars but mine, to pollute the environment, Wanting to walk, But wishing to fly. Like a swift. In the beauty of the sky. A poem given no words by a beholder, but listened to by many an ear, To take away the words, That I give, And I live. In a community of words. But only as the last citizen. Boneata Bell 12.28PM 15th March 2011
Next