This Is Me

I realized that we were close, just as we parted. I noticed the smile, The beam in your eye, The rush of your blood, The suit, and the tie. Just as we parted... I saw the way you held me, Strong, unique in it's power, And the way you held your upper lip - Like a child, When you threw a tantrum. I suddenly noticed your stance, And your structure, The explosion of lust, And unusual rupture. Just as you left. I adored your complexion, Placed your photo on my cabinet, Sang the song that you told me, I should love. As you left. As we parted. I tore off your T-shirt, And wore it over mine, The aftershave scent still an aroma, I hadn't noticed so severely before. Now cutting me sore. As we parted, In a dance to our love song. Cuddled your teddy, Crawled across the bed that you Had slept in. Looked up at the sky where we had once Looked upon, To save our future marriage. I cradled my tummy, baby talk was something Not a stranger to us. Longing for lust And longing for a baby...

As I live with another drama A two meaning race I dance with another option.   As I live with another tear Caused by my ghost I can run.   As I live with one more stab From someone who is not I can scream.   As I live with one more graze From an animal I can hide   But every time I live, With realities flare, And dream in dare, I know I cannot fall. Boneata Bell

You terrify me. 
 I walk into the room -
                                I sense your there. 
 The way you make me feel is terribly unfair. 
 I'm still.
 I sense you crawling up the wall, 
 Petrified you may suddenly just fall, 
 My heart beats. 
 Faster. 
 Harder. 
 Louder. 
 
 I can't begin to describe my thoughts, 
 You're on my legs, crawling in my hair, 
 I'm nervous. 
 I'm angry. 
 I'm afraid. 
 All life's plans are suddenly delayed. 
 You're watching me! 
 
 A brave thought grasps at my mind, 
 But before I move, I find. 
 I'm nearly crying. 
 Small. 
 Medium. 
 Or Big. 
 You're following me, 
 I'll never sleep tonight. 
 
 You're in my dreams, 
 I hear you, and awake! 
 Tears, streaming, down my face, 
 Be gone, I curse! 
 Stay out of my life, 
 I'm so afraid, As you stalk me by night. 
 
 Boneata Bell

The echoes in the distance, fall from your dreams, Though the sky is bright, the clouds are grey, There are thousands of dead ends, curving your way. The spark in your eyes, are the drops of dead past, The grass is wet, but the ground is so dry, There are hundreds of secrets, thousands of lies. The cross of our Jesus, is standing so tall, The sound of the nature, is calling through mist, But all of your nightmares are worse than you wished. The pound of your heartbeat, is so close to death, The skin of your body, is crawling with tears, But even these words, can’t erase your tears. Boneata Bell

My back against the fence I rest My hands, blistered and torn, My feelings fighting my shaded skin, As I hide away and mourn. They pass me hissing, smiley faces Crowded round with bitter slyness Knocking down my confidence deep, Unleashing my fearful shyness. Calling names, laughing bleakness They hear my heart beat fast and strong. Endlessly pouncing, creeping, prancing, They won’t stop until I’ve gone. Identical twins, low. Down. Deep. Same organs, same bones, same mind. I will stay strong for myself and I, I will not cry and whine. I reach down low for that sharp silver Object Shining. Glowing. I turn the knife. Swaying with bitterness I give a sigh. Is this nightmare worth my life? Boneata Bell

Secrets filled the burning room, The sky, deep grey – rainfall soon. Knives hung from my sloping walls, Deserted streets, no one will hear my calls. Heat whirled so fast, shattering my skin, Arsonists leave me, I won’t let you win! The wind so harsh, fire still strong. Hell is where these people belong. I wanted to die as they left me to melt, Like wax to a lighter, such deep pain I felt, Smoke filled the atmosphere, squeezing my brain, Lying there choking, Thoughts sending me insane! Three seconds, one minute? One hour or one night Just lying alone, my lungs feeling tight. A hustle of voices outside I could hear, I will hold on, to myself I did swear. The room seemed so small now, flames in my head, I pulled myself further and lay on the bed. Bangs seemed to shatter, echoes seemed to die, I looked out of the window at the beauty of the sky. The room turned black but started to spin, And there stood a gentleman, to me he sung – He eyes green, the sky misting gold,  His hand l

Bound be we by Strength of eternity. Together we unfold Crystals of the cold. As one we stay And will never betray, The strength of each other. Erased we are, By our one eternal stance, Glued by no disrespect But by emotions we detect each others, Passion. Boneata Bell 20.03.2011 20:15

Ten miles until I reach my destination. Clouds high in the sky, sun under a sky that I will never really see. A metallic shine on the bonnet of the car, casts me into an eternity That I also never thought, That I would know. Ten more miles, the radio, so quietly playing. Silence pleases me. My pups still laying, so joyfully upon my lap. Breathing in the summer smells... And sensing the blueness of the sky, black and white, In the pupil of their eye. No cars but mine, to pollute the environment, Wanting to walk, But wishing to fly. Like a swift. In the beauty of the sky. A poem given no words by a beholder, but listened to by many an ear, To take away the words, That I give, And I live. In a community of words. But only as the last citizen. Boneata Bell 12.28PM 15th March 2011

Kill You A shape whispered through thy night My breath was weak and full of fright. I screamed your name across my walls You wouldn't hear, you ignoored my calls, I watched you run, I watched all night Your body was so weakly spread. I love you but your mind is dead. My lost devotion forever to be, Beyond all eyes will ever see, And I still love your tired heart. My inner fire will never spark, Goodbye old rainbow, Once I new. Thy were so pretty, I didn't kill you. Boneata Bell

I must say I could not believe my eyes when I saw the damage.  I pray for survivors.

I find these lyrics quite inspirational: <3 'You can't tell me what it really is, I can only tell what it feels like, but right now there is a steel knife in my wind pipe And I can't breathe But I still fight, Well I can fight.' EMINEM