This Is Me

Prince Diego Nothing is mine. Not even down to the last piece of toast on my plate. I'm hungry. I'm losing weight. I'm deprived of food, drink... sometimes even my hairbrush. I am not even sure if it’s okay to live like this anymore. I have considered my options. I am really beginning to believe that this is parent cruelty. It dawned on me last weekend. I began my morning as I begin all mornings, to the sound of my name being summoned, over and over again. Sometimes it pops into my dream as elephants come charging toward me. Chanting. Mummy. Mummy. I don't have another name anymore. I rush, panic stricken to my son to check on his wellbeing. My heart is banging around in another room, calling me. There he stands, a king pointing at the curtains. "Open. Open". He yells. I reassure him that “of course I will my darling.” How could he assume anything other? Then I will dress him, bath him and serve him breakfast in a golden bowl. WITHOUT ...

This month Diego tried to kill me. I found myself wandering around in a daze, blinking stars from my eyes. Then I spotted him, running for the climbing frame. That's how my toddler had plotted it. He'd climbed to the top of the slide so I had gone round ready to watch him come down. He changed his mind. Making a swift change in direction, almost levitating, at leopard speed, back the other way. I reacted as any other mother would do. Turned around as quickly as speed would allow (pretty slow for me), with the plan to grab him and potentially save his life. Instead, I turned and smacked my head straight on the fireman's pole instead. Everything spun. I waddled round to the other side of the slide. Diego was playing happily with another child. Safe. I’d even say unaware, but I know better… He ignored my presence as I tried to cuddle him. Mortified that the "bumping off mummy" plan had not succeeded. I felt myself struggling to see out of one eye. Phone at...

You may have once been my rock, But I will survive you. You may have once been my gun, But I will surrender you. You may have once been my blood, But I will replace you. When all is lost, And hope finds you, Whoever betrayed love, Will never betray you. For strength is a gift, Deep within us all, So whenever we stand up, We will never again fall. Boneata Bell 01.02.2017

I was certain that I would see a subtle change in my toddler’s personality over the course of a few months. Wasn’t that wishful thinking? As I handed him a present that he did not want, he threw himself onto my floor, head butted my carpet and cried. Happy 2 nd Birthday. I decided to take him locally to Pink Pig Farm; I didn’t fancy a long journey.   A possibility of pooh’s and paddy’s. I had thought about hosting a party, but Diego has almost as many friends as me, and that wouldn’t fill a bathroom, let alone a full house… So between us we’d probably attain just enough commotion for the neighbours to think we’d done our weekly shop. Anyhow, the farm was fantastic. Diego is an animal lover and as the child of a vegan I am excited to see his bond growing. He has already learnt to be gentle and kind. That is an important lesson. I just have to work on his attitude towards me next… Aside from the animals, his other favourite part of the farm was the shop. Perfectly ...